did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
