I need help removing her.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How's work?
Spinning.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
