Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I met the friendliest cop last night
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
