i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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