You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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