woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
