it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
