I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
