I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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