I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
