Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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