I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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