Will you blow on my dice?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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