just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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