she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
