He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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