If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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