I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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