They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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