So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
this just has baby written all over it
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
