if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
