think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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