we have officially lost it.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
