Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
