she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
