oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
