we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
