Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
