We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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