Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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