you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
