How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
