She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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