Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
