So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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