You're so nebulous sometimes
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
