2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
