I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
