I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
