My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
