Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
