So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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