I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
