i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
