ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
