Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
