the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
