how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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