Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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