I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
