Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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