I cockslap morals
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
