Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
