I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
