The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
