I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
