I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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