The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
